So what is the Erasmus relationship? Does it exist? Is it possible at all? Can we escape from it or does it find every one of us by the end? And is it good or bad if we fall for it? Do we need it? Want it? Or are we just going with the flow?

Anyhow, the Erasmus relationship is definitely non-repeatable because it is not from reality. Of course except for that very few very rare occasions when the "big love" is born during Erasmus - some of those even end up in Erasmus babies (after all, studies showed, there are some one million of them soon to go to kindergarden or so), most of the Erasmus relationships end with arriving home and it is probably how it has to be. As the altered saying goes, that happens during Erasmus that stays there, but it's more like that - apart from the obvious physical distance - it would be simply impossible to transport a very diffucultly definable relationship into reality where we all go back after the exchange. Too many questions and too many problematic details. How could we even fit each other into the other's life? Would we want it at all? Probably not.

Having said this I definitely don't want to say that the Erasmus relationships doesn't lead anywhere and are not worth is, or that there is no real emotion in them, simply that in their rare beauty they are so unprobably, so out of time and place ("it may not be the right time...", right?) that it is impossible to tranform them into reality. They start unnoticed, and we just go with the flow because we don't care about the consequences as we know that this whole thing only exists in this miniature life with limited time, so maybe we are more brave and more honest - to each other and to ourselves. There is no stress about whether it will work in longer term or not, what people back home would think, if he fits into my life, to my plans and life goals. There is no later, no future, it's only here and now, so we can concentrate on it so well. One of us put it so well the other day saying that people here are stuck in the "honeymoon stage" and this actually expresses it pretty accurately. By the time the honeymoon stage would fade, we also go gome - most of us...

If it's good or bad, I have no idea, but it's definitely worth it; it's an experience for lifetime not only about relationships, but also about people and about life itself. And about ourselves. Again something, for which one has to travel and get out of usual life sometimes.

I wrote this sometime at the end of October, I guess... now it's December and I have no idea. It sounded  simple to accept and let go in October because the actual end was so far away. Not it's different. More complicated. More real.